[Editor’s note: John Horn and Mark Atkinson were friends at Bishop’s University. But then Mark went to Nova Scotia and John moved to Vancouver. Sporadically, they kept in touch over the years, but – fortunately for you, the noble readers of The Potentiality – their friendship has re-discovered itself thanks to hockey. More specifically thanks to the fact that Mark loves the Boston Bruins and John loves the Vancouver Canucks. Sure, after this series they can never be friends again. But the point is that you will benefit from their being nemesises nemeses nemesoulmates nemesi each others’ worst enemy! GO SPORTS!]

Re-Cap of Before

John: A re-cap of before, you say? Well, the Sedins almost scored off the opening face-off and the Canucks didn’t really look back. In spite of Boston’s 117 power play minutes in the first period the team from Vancity perservered and powered through some semi-unreal goaltending by Timmy Thomas. Assisted by his giant beard, Raffi Torres won the game just as 74% of people in the Lower Mainland eased out of their chesterfields and prepared to make mad dashes to the bathroom. Oh, and Luongo got a shutout. No big deal. And Burrows might’ve bitten someone. Kind of a big deal, but not as big as the media is making it.

But images speak louder than words (except the words of Jim Hughson):

Mark: Well Crap. That was a great game, more specifically, great goaltending. Thank God I left Boston Pizza before Vancouver scored and crushed my soul with 18.5 seconds remaining. I have calmed down slightly after having one of the more painful viewing experiences of my career. You see, after attending a fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity, I strolled down the hill to take up a seat in what I thought would be the friendly confines of BOSTON Pizza. I arrive to find that the bar is now being called Vancouver Pizza. I then walk in and find the bar not only packed with Vancouver fans, but the waitresses/bartenders are ALL wearing Vancouver t-shirts. As if that’s not enough, I’ve walked in to a private party for the Federation of Canadian Municipalities conference being held here in Halifax so I have to watch the game with the damn Mayor of Vancouver!!! It seems as though the stars were aligned for you whale huggers on Wednesday. As if that wasn’t enough, you had Burrows try and bite the finger off Bergeron (fingapitate?), and sent Henrik ‘Tweety Head’ Sedin to acting classes before the game. Cheater cheater pumpkin eater.

Predictions: Game 2

Mark: Saturday’s game will be a much more wide open affair. We both have awesome goalies, but even they can’t stand up to our also equally matched skilled players for much longer. I predict Alex Burrows gets his little pea-head knocked off by Chara or Lucic in the early going. Seguin’s gonna step it up and score the first goal for Boston (not necessarily the first goal of the game), which will in turn motivate the rest of the team because they’re getting shown up by a 19 year old who barely played up until a couple of weeks ago. Recchi scores the game winner and Horton adds an empty netter for the 6-4 Bruins win.

John: Destiny will continue to unfurl in favour of the Canucks. Timmy Thomas will have to be even better if he’s going to stop the telepathic twin syndrome that is/are Daniel and Henrik. They will score many goals. And, instead of high-sticking his 12-foot-high face, Ryan Kessler will skate with such fury around Zdeno Chara (who, for some inexplicable reason, I can’t look at without getting really, really angry) that Chara’s legs will become irreparably tangled. Someone will throw dentures, fangs or some other biting-related thing on the ice during the third period – this will make Glenn Healy furious. And Luongo will be as steady as my hand when Kurt Heinrich showcases his culinary and knife skills, which are comparable to the character Bishop’s knife skills from the movie Aliens. Because, like Luongo, Kurt Heinrich is a skilled professional who doesn’t let his teammates down. Final score: 3-1 Canucks.

[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]

John: For the trash talk portion of this post, I’d like to paste a gmail chat conversation between my good friend Mike and I:

10:33 PM Mike: i read your trash talk section of your post with your bruin buddy. loved your smack. fun, yet humiliating. nice tone. unfortunately, I wanted to smack your friend upside the head for saying that Manny “tried to put his eyeball through a pane of glass.” I get that he only watches the east coast teams, but that lacked class. And following that implying that his injury is his claim to fame? Weak.

10:34 PM me: I agree – Mark was outmatched.

The post on Friday will be even better, what with the biting controversy and overall underperforming of Boston.

10:35 PM Mike: Boston bites. So does Burrows.

me: Amazing!

Cut and print.

Mike: Don’t taunt the orca. You put your finger there, it gets bit.

10:36 PM solid. i’m planning to watch all the elimination games downtown on the street. gumboot should send a contingent of writers.

[Editor’s note: we will send a contingent of writers – only a few will return from the melee].

Mark, you’re a great guy who’s made a few bad choices in his life, which include, but are not limited to, the following: not practicing your three-point-shot every day after school, attending Bishop’s University, that thing you did on November 12, 2000 that I can’t talk about (wow), cramming 17 people (including, I think, the Undergraduate Society President of Harvard) on a rickety balcony that was designed to hold, maybe, four people and a bag of pillows, and, of course, cheering for the Boston Bruins.

All this being said, I love you and thank you for this very entertaining segment. Bill Simmons would be proud of our wordiness!

Mark: I hate the Montreal Canadiens by default as a Bruins fan. Now I hate the Vancouver Canucks because I generally hate them. I know it’s a strong word, and the Bruins are no saints (Brad Marchand grew up 15km from here, I worked with his aunt, and I still hate the guy’s guts), but the dirty, underhanded trickery and general hideousness of your two best players makes my blood boil. The Canucks bite and dive all game and I’m pretty sure they likely kick puppies on their way home. But we have a secret weapon – Tyler Seguin and his Water Bottle of Death. Once he squirts you with his voodoo water, you will leave the game and not return, ala Dan Hamhuis. He got him good with this one, maybe enough voodoo water to keep Danny boy outta game 2.

Best of luck, and here’s hoping your Mayor gets the heck outta here soon because if he’s around when the Bruins win on Saturday night, my next post is going to include a picture of me in a Bruins jersey next to him with a sad look of disappointment on his pretty little face.

John: There’s some Vancouver Pizza on it’s way to you in the mail, my man – hopefully it doesn’t get caught in the strike, because it’s tasty! Also, our Mayor’s a good-looking man and kindhearted soul, ain’t he? Hard not to love that guy. He probably left Halifax with some gorgeous bike lanes and three more farmer’s markets, eh?